Did you enjoy the Esoteric Gentleman's Club article "Gentleman's Body Language Hacks - Part 1" so much, you’re back for part 2? I hope so. If you haven’t read part one yet, then click here to check it out.
Before we move on I want to make you aware of how vitally important body language is. It is said that only 7% of communication is done through words, so you could have the funniest stories, or the wittiest lines but that doesn’t mean people are going to like what you’re saying.
Developing More Body Language
People take more cues from your body language and your vocal tonality. This actually makes a lot of sense when you think about it.
All them says we spent chilling out in caves with our long beards and hairy women as cave men, we didn’t have spoken language to help us convey what we had to say, so through evolution we learned to communicate through other means. We would look at our fellow cave men’s body language and listen to the pitch of his grunts to find out what he was thinking, this skill never left us and it still a huge factor of our communication today.
This is where we come in, because part 2 is all about you! We’ve listed 5 body language tricks you can implement that are going to make you appear more confident and relaxed. And who doesn’t like being around people who are confident and relaxed?!
You’re awesome, so you need to project that to the world!
1. Exposed neck.
Holding your head high is a huge sign of confidence, raising your chin even further when you’re sat down so your neck is slightly on show is an even bigger sign of confidence.
Why? Because your neck is one of the most vulnerable parts of your body, so to openly expose it in front of the people you are with signals that you don’t see any of them as a threat to your security. This is a huge power signal that shows you are confident in yourself and you feel completely relaxed and safe in the situation.
You can do this when you’re sat down, put your hands behind your head and lean your head back. You’ll immediately appear 10 times more confident. There are another 2 perks to sitting like this 1. You’ll be taking up more room because your elbows will be projected outwards and 2. You will have open body language which further helps with appearing relaxed.
2. Open up.
If you have closed body language people will view you as one of either the following things.
- Hiding something (keeping secrets/not being honest/untrustworthy)
Notice how none of the above are positive? If you have closed body language you instantly become unlikable and unapproachable.
If you go all fresh prince, and flip this upside down and instead have open body language, your likability factor goes up tenfold and you people will perceive you as friendlier and more approachable.
I haven’t even mentioned the best part of it yet… you ready? Having open body language is easy! It takes a little bit of conscious effort at first then after a while it simply becomes a habit that you perform unconsciously.
Here are some tips to follow to help have awesome open body language at all times. Man this could have been a list on its own.
Firstly, when you’re stood up don’t ever put your hands across your body; have them buy your sides. Even better is you can put them in your back pocket, making sure you keep your thumbs out (whenever you have your hands in your pocket, always leave your thumb out, it comes across a lot more confident, where as having your whole hands in shows insecurity or that you’re hiding something) Having your hands in your back pocket immediately opens up your body. If you don’t want to put them there then you can put either one or both in your font pockets. If you’re leaned on something like a wall or a bar then you can put your thumbs in your belt loop.
Don’t forget, when you’re stood up, always be stood with your feet at shoulder width or wider, unless you have your shoulder leaned on something then it’s cool, you can cross your legs then.
3. Slower movements.
I’ve already said about this in Top 10 Gentleman Traits. But it was true then, and yep, it’s true now. The faster your movements the more fidgety you look and the more fidgety you look the more uncomfortable you appear. Slow down your movements, seriously, start moving really slowly. When you reach for a drink, slowly reach for a drink. When you have to re-position yourself, slowly re-position yourself. Get the point?
- It looks much sexier.
- It looks much smoother.
- It looks much cooler.
Plus it’s easy. Start now!
Also mentioned in 10 Gentleman Traits was eye contact, I don’t want to keep going other with what’s already been published so, in short: you really need to check that list out!
4. Shoulders back.
I know you know this is important, because; how many successful people do you see walking like a slumped over chimp?
When standing or when walking, basically if your body is in a vertical position; then you should have your shoulders back.
It stops you from slouching and makes you appear bigger.
When I first started doing this, I’d put my shoulders so far back that I was practically doing the limbo! I know what you’re thinking, and you’re right; I did look like a douche.
I don’t care what Fat Joe says, there’s no need to lean back, just keep a tall vertical posture. Imagine that a piece of string is attached to your head and pulling you to the ceiling, making sure you stand perfectly upright. Then slightly squeeze your shoulder blades together and you’ll have the perfect posture.
It may feel uncomfortable at first but you’ll soon get use to it.
When you feel you have your posture right, take a quick video of yourself, walking and standing. Then you’ll truly know if you’ve got it right or not.
5. Fake laughs and fake smiles.
This one’s easy. Just cut them out, completely! I’m challenging you to never fake laugh or fake smile again.
You know the weak smile you do when you see someone you don’t really like but feel like you have to be pleasant? Cut it out.
You know the fake laugh you do when someone tells a story that they want you to find funny and you don’t want the awkward moment of not laughing? Choose the awkward moment.
You should only be laughing and smiling when you want to, not when you feel obliged too, it’s your life so live it on your terms, not on other people’s expectations. Also it is much more genuine, and when you do smile and laugh, people will know you mean it.
Not laughing when you’re expected to can cause you to feel a lot of tension, but being the gentleman you are, you need to be comfortable with that tension.
Rule is: If it’s funny then laugh, if not then don’t.
On the smiling point; you should be smiling, it makes you warm and approachable and also, you have an awesome life; of course you should be smiling! When you meet people, have a friendly smile. When you see someone you know, smile to them.
The rule here is: if you don’t like someone, for whatever reason, don’t be fake and pretend you do by forcing a smile.