If you take the time to implement all these Top 10 Gentleman Traits, brought to you be the Esoteric Gentleman's Club, you will notice people will start to treat you different. They’ll start to look up to you and treat you with more respect.
Learn these traits and practise them. Some may be easy but some may require you leaving your comfort zone, but their all vital to you being a leader, a badass, a gentleman.
1. Eye contact.
This one is extremely important!
As a gentleman, you are completely relaxed in your own skin no matter what situation you are in. Nothing makes you look more nervous than not being able to hold a simple thing we call eye contact. Whenever we are speaking and are unable to hold eye contact with the person we are speaking too, it communicates that we don’t see ourselves as worthy of their attention.
Well, guess what… You’re awesome and you are worthy of every single human beings attention. If talking to someone and are telling a story always hold eye contact around 90% of the time, the other 10% of the time you should be looking away because you are thinking, and also you don’t want it to look like you’re staring the other person out. You’re not a creep like that.
If, however, you’re only saying something short like a statement or asking a question then you should hold eye contact the whole 100% of the time.
When listening to other people talk, hold eye contact around 60-70% of the time. This shows people that we are interested in what they are saying but our attention is valuable and you don’t just give it to anybody, but it has to be earned by compelling conversation. This is because our attention and time is important just like everybody else’s.
Start seeing yourself as a man worthy of people’s attention, because it you’re part of The Gentleman life, you are!
2. Shaking hands.
Just good manners really.
When you are introduced to somebody, or are meeting somebody for the first time, you should always shake their hand. I always shake someone's hand when I first meet them, or even when I meet them for a second time.
The only people I don’t shake hands with are my friends, and that’s because we’re way beyond formal introductions and prefer more informal methods in welcoming.
Shaking someone’s hand on introduction is polite and boosts your likability factor, and also immediately boosts the rapport you have with them so you will instantly feel closer and more comfortable around each other.
We have a truly incredible article on how to have the perfect handshake. Read it and every introduction you have from this point on will make you look charismatic, powerful and likable.
3. Walk roadside with your lady.
You gotta make sure that beautiful girl that you’re with is safe, man! When walking on a sidewalk, always walk on the roadside, the only exception to this rule is if the inside of the side walk poses more of a threat, i.e lots of dark allies.
The reason for this is because you’re the protector. Being such a badass protector means being in the more vulnerable position so if on the off chance of anything happens, you take the fall for it; ensuring your lady is kept safe.
Not only is it just about you being in the more vulnerable position, but if it's wet then you act as the barrier so she doesn’t get splashed by passing cars.
Being a gentleman is about being a leader, and a leader takes care of the people he loves putting their safety above his own.
On a side note here, you shouldn’t draw attention to the fact you are doing this, don’t do things to get recognition from people, do things because you want to do them, because you genuinely want to keep the people you care about safe.
4. Control your emotions.
I know you’re a smart guy, but I still need to emphasize this point. I’m telling you to control, not repress, your emotions. I don’t want you walking around like a sociopathic robot. But don’t let anyone make you feel anything without your consent.
It’s fine to get angry if there is a genuine reason for it, but it’s how you control that anger. Instead of punching walls or flipping out, calm yourself down and channel it into something that will actually benefit you. Maybe take it out on the weights at the gym?
If someone has made you angry, then tell them in a non confrontational way, chances are they didn’t mean to and will end up apologizing. It also fine to feel fear when you’re nervous, but you need to control the fear and not let it overcome you, so you can overcome the fear.
You’re the powerful one, not the emotion. It’s good to remember that you are not your emotions; so instead of saying to yourself “I’m angry” or “I’m nervous” say “I feel angry” and “I feel a little nervous”. You don’t have to repress your emotions; you need to control them so they don’t determine your actions.
True gentlemen don’t show their negative emotions because they know it’s no one else’s problem but their own, so why burden other people when you can manage them yourself?
This also works for positive emotions, I of course encourage you to be happy and have fun, but when have you ever seen a cool guy dancing around because he’s so elated? A laugh or a smile is obviously going to suffice.
Welcome to living like a boss. If you want examples of this then watch the show Suits. You’ll notice Harvey is very in control of his emotions whereas Louis is controlled by his.
5. Slower movements.
That’s right, slow your ass down. If you’re movements are too quick you look on edge and nervous. Instead, slow down and relax, be in the moment and enjoy it.
If you half the speed of all your movements you’ll immediately look more charismatic and confident, you’ll look comfortable, which will further help others be comfortable in your presence.
If someone calls your name, don’t turn around quickly and immediately, you’re not at their beck and call so if you’re doing or saying something, finish whatever it is and then turn around to see who is begging for your attention. If you look round instantly, you’ll come across approval seeking and as if you have nothing better to do.
But you’re gent, so of course you have better things to do.
6. Slower talking.
When you talk fast it’s because you feel you are not worthy of that persons time. Screw that. You’re the high status one! Slow down when you talk and take pauses in tactical places to emphasize a part of your story or a point you want to make.
Also, make sure you project your voice so it sounds clear and power… because you deserve to heard! This does not mean you are shouting, or being obnoxious and trying to drown other people’s voices out, they deserve to have an input too.
An awesome tip to establish as part of your normal speaking voice is to lower your intonation at the end of a sentence or a question. It comes across as powerful and carefree. Raising you intonation at the end of a sentence means you’re seeking a response which can come across as approval seeking.
7. Bring the best out in people.
If you do all things to be a more a powerful and dominant person without still being a nice guy at the same time, you’ll come across as an arrogant jerk and no one will respect you, so there’s really no point in doing them anyway.
If you don’t already, it’s time to start caring about people and be a genuine giving person. I don’t mean giving people presents and tangible things. I mean help them out if they need it, make them feel valued; actually listen to them when they’re talking instead of waiting for your turn to talk. Be the source of good emotions, and people will be addicted to being around you.
Bringing the best out of people also means that at times, you’re going to need to be firm with them in the short term so they benefit from it in the long term. An example of this is if you know someone is not living up to their potential, then making them aware that they are capable of a lot more. They may not appreciate it right now, but they will be thanking you later if they decide to change.
8. Take up more room.
As I’ve previously said, people can only be comfortable with you if they perceive you to be comfortable around them. A great way to do that is to take up more room when standing or sitting, so spread yourself out and appear bigger and more powerful.
As a leader you should always sit first, making sure you take up all the room you need to be comfortable and then let the people sit around you. Taking up a lot of room is a great way to share your amazing energy with the world so they can be positively influenced by your presence.
The world needs leaders like you to take charge and take up room.
Being carefree is one of the most powerful things you can be. When it’s been explained, a lot of people think it means that you don’t care about anything that you don’t have any passion, compassion or any real feelings and this is far from the truth. It means that you’re unattached to what people think of you and unattached to what may happen… put simply it means that your cup is full on your own and you don’t need anything from anyone to make yourself feel better about yourself.
You should do the best in all you do, be passionate in all you do but you don’t care about the things you can’t control. This means you’re not stressing out if people don’t like you because if they don’t it's fine… your cup is full on its own. You should focus on being the best, and doing the best you can but then let everything else just happen without a care in the world.
This way of life is so powerful because you don’t need to prove yourself to anyone. You do things because you truly want to do them, and that makes you a more genuine person. You don’t try to be a gentleman, you just know that you are and it oozes out in all you do.
You can always tell when someone is TRYING to be a gentleman because they do it to get recognition or validation so they will brag about all the gentleman things they have done. They open the door for women because they want to appear a gentleman, a true gentleman opens the door for a women because that’s what he truly wants to do for her.
Do things because you want to do them, not because you want to come across a certain way to certain people. I’ll go more in depth on this topic on a future newsletter.
10. Have a purpose in life.
What do you want to do with your life? What do you want to achieve? Who do you want to become?
Having a purpose in life is what you being on your path is, it’s bigger than you and bigger than all those around you. It’s the reason you exist, it’s the goals you want to accomplish, it’s becoming your very best self, it’s what motivates and excites you.
Think of it this way: what do you want people to say about you at your funeral? What do you want you want them to say you achieved? What do you want them to say about who you were?
Your purpose is to make all of that a reality, and it’s what you strive to achieve all day every day, it is your main priority. Having a huge vision of what you truly want out of life and working at making it a reality will make you infinitely more successful than people who don’t have a direction.
So if you don’t have a vision then you really need to create one and then start working on turning that vision into your daily reality. And guess what? When you achieve it, you create an even bigger vision because life is about constantly evolving.
On a cool kind of side note, having a purpose like this in your life will make you naturally more carefree around people because nothing is more important than the path you are on.